Be thankful in all things. Even the tough stuff... there's usually good that comes out from the other side of the bad.
Be blessed!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
I Don't Wanna Play Anymore...maybe...
As you can tell by my infrequent posts, I'm sick of talking about cancer. I'm sick of thinking about it...there are days I wished it never touched my life. I guess it's not uncommon to feel that. But when cancer struck me a second time, in a much more serious and scary way, I was bound and determined to be positive about it, to make that time, as frightening and painful as it was, be worth something. I wanted to feel renewed and have an eternal optimism for life.
All in all, yes, I'm very positive, and yes, I love life. But there are days I just don't want to play in the cancer sandbox any more.
As my husband has to remind me periodically, I don't have cancer anymore. It's gone. They took it out. That's why I had a mastectomy, changed my body...and whether I acknowledge it or want to acknowledge it, it changed me.
But I'm done with that now. I'm ready to move on. Except visits to my doctor every three months (although the reports are good!), and now a recent visit to my plastic surgeon to finally discuss reconstruction options, I'm done with this. These visits keep reminding me of this insidious disease. Heck, looking in the mirror reminds me of this disease! Still, I have to believe I'm done and there's more to do.
So, where do I go from here? How do I cope? I started this blog with the idea of providing encouragement, hope and a positive attitude. But there are times when I get tired of thinking about it all. I just want to be a "normal" person again. I guess in many ways, I have yet to adjust to my "new" normal...whatever that may be.
Of course, I could be in this frame of mind because I'm about to have a "job" change -- and 2011 is going to be totally different. I get to do what most people can never imagine doing... I get to pursue my dream full time. I'm currently serving as vice-president for ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers...check us out at www.acfw.com), and my term ends at the end of December. I've stepped back from most of my other volunteer things, and with the exception of a few paying contract jobs, I am free to write starting in 2011. Whew...that's exciting, yet daunting, in a lot of ways. I'm just hoping and praying I have the stamina and gift it takes to complete a manuscript or two!
It's weird... sometimes I feel like I cope better with things that are out of my control. Like getting cancer. I HAD to have surgery, I had to deal with poking and proding from doctors...and yes, while it's a roller coaster ride, you know you have to go along for that ride.
Now, things are back in my control, so to speak (as a Christian, I know God is in control)... but with my writing dreams: I have to sit my butt down in my chair every day and have my hands on the keyboard and get to work...creating and writing, even when my muse has abandoned me and the last thing I want to do is create and write. It's then I have to remind myself that when it flows, the writing is so sweet and there's nothing else in the world I want to do. I have to trust that God gave me this gift, so He'll use it for His purpose. Even that knowledge doesn't make it any less scary or intimidating.
This is my chance to live the rest of my life. My cancer is gone, and by God's grace, it's gone forever! Now is the time to follow my dreams, not procrastinate and not waste this life. So, while I'm tired of talking cancer, maybe it's purpose is to lead me to this next phase...the "pursuing my dreams" phase. And if my writing is fuller and deeper, and helps just one person in any part of their own life journey, then it's worth it all.
Okay, 2011 -- bring it on. I may have to detour for more surgery, but the reconstructive kind, so that may be positive in the long run...then hopefully the writing will come, the words will hit the page. Who knows, maybe that will be reflected through this blog as well. Shall we continue on this journey?
Let's go!
Keep on truckin' everyone!
All in all, yes, I'm very positive, and yes, I love life. But there are days I just don't want to play in the cancer sandbox any more.
As my husband has to remind me periodically, I don't have cancer anymore. It's gone. They took it out. That's why I had a mastectomy, changed my body...and whether I acknowledge it or want to acknowledge it, it changed me.
But I'm done with that now. I'm ready to move on. Except visits to my doctor every three months (although the reports are good!), and now a recent visit to my plastic surgeon to finally discuss reconstruction options, I'm done with this. These visits keep reminding me of this insidious disease. Heck, looking in the mirror reminds me of this disease! Still, I have to believe I'm done and there's more to do.
So, where do I go from here? How do I cope? I started this blog with the idea of providing encouragement, hope and a positive attitude. But there are times when I get tired of thinking about it all. I just want to be a "normal" person again. I guess in many ways, I have yet to adjust to my "new" normal...whatever that may be.
Of course, I could be in this frame of mind because I'm about to have a "job" change -- and 2011 is going to be totally different. I get to do what most people can never imagine doing... I get to pursue my dream full time. I'm currently serving as vice-president for ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers...check us out at www.acfw.com), and my term ends at the end of December. I've stepped back from most of my other volunteer things, and with the exception of a few paying contract jobs, I am free to write starting in 2011. Whew...that's exciting, yet daunting, in a lot of ways. I'm just hoping and praying I have the stamina and gift it takes to complete a manuscript or two!
It's weird... sometimes I feel like I cope better with things that are out of my control. Like getting cancer. I HAD to have surgery, I had to deal with poking and proding from doctors...and yes, while it's a roller coaster ride, you know you have to go along for that ride.
Now, things are back in my control, so to speak (as a Christian, I know God is in control)... but with my writing dreams: I have to sit my butt down in my chair every day and have my hands on the keyboard and get to work...creating and writing, even when my muse has abandoned me and the last thing I want to do is create and write. It's then I have to remind myself that when it flows, the writing is so sweet and there's nothing else in the world I want to do. I have to trust that God gave me this gift, so He'll use it for His purpose. Even that knowledge doesn't make it any less scary or intimidating.
This is my chance to live the rest of my life. My cancer is gone, and by God's grace, it's gone forever! Now is the time to follow my dreams, not procrastinate and not waste this life. So, while I'm tired of talking cancer, maybe it's purpose is to lead me to this next phase...the "pursuing my dreams" phase. And if my writing is fuller and deeper, and helps just one person in any part of their own life journey, then it's worth it all.
Okay, 2011 -- bring it on. I may have to detour for more surgery, but the reconstructive kind, so that may be positive in the long run...then hopefully the writing will come, the words will hit the page. Who knows, maybe that will be reflected through this blog as well. Shall we continue on this journey?
Let's go!
Keep on truckin' everyone!
Friday, October 15, 2010
The Pinking of America
It's October, and you can't help but notice there's A LOT of pink around. I heard the expression that it's the "pinking of America." So true. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Turning everything pink in October has been a very successful campaign in making folks aware of breast cancer. Unless you live in a cave, I'm sure you're aware of breast cancer.
But there's a doctor out there, Dr. Susan Love, who has partnered with Avon, to create an organization called "Army of Women." Her goal is not just to bring awareness of breast cancer, but to actually find a cause and a cure. Then take the next step and PREVENT breast cancer all together. She's trying to dig deeper, get studies funded, get volunteers for studies, and do whatever it takes to eradicate this disease forever. So, while I applaud the pinking of America in October, and yes, I'm even wearing my pink rubber bracelet this month, I must applaud folks like Dr. Love and the Army of Women program even more. Awareness is one thing, a very good thing, but finding the cause, cure, and complete ERADICATION of this hideous disease would be even better.
www.armyofwomen.org
But there's a doctor out there, Dr. Susan Love, who has partnered with Avon, to create an organization called "Army of Women." Her goal is not just to bring awareness of breast cancer, but to actually find a cause and a cure. Then take the next step and PREVENT breast cancer all together. She's trying to dig deeper, get studies funded, get volunteers for studies, and do whatever it takes to eradicate this disease forever. So, while I applaud the pinking of America in October, and yes, I'm even wearing my pink rubber bracelet this month, I must applaud folks like Dr. Love and the Army of Women program even more. Awareness is one thing, a very good thing, but finding the cause, cure, and complete ERADICATION of this hideous disease would be even better.
www.armyofwomen.org
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Waiting on Life
So, here I sit, one-year later.... one year of being cancer free and adjusting to my new body. But how well have I really adjusted to my new life?
After surviving a life-threatening disease, you come out of it renewed, ready to live life to the maximum. You're ready to fulfill your purpose. I wanted to awaken each day and fulfill what God's plans were for me.
And I think I'm failing at that miserably...
More often than not, I'm the queen of procrastination. My main goal in life is to be a writer. I've started three books, but have yet to finish them. I even refer to myself as a writer, however it seems I'm doing anything but that. I am very involved in ACFW, which is American Christian Fiction Writers (www.acfw.com). Being around those other writers is inspiring and makes me feel like I truly belong. Here in DFW, we have a local ACFW chapter, which is the DFW Ready Writers (waving to you all!). It's wonderful to be friends with other writers, as we all understand each other, and know that it's okay to have voices in your head! (As in, our characters are usually talking to us!). I'm blessed with all of these people.
But I feel like I'm blowing my opportunities! I'm wasting the time I've been given, and letting all my other "jobs" get in the way. Being on the board of ACFW is just an excuse not to write. I'm doing everything in and around the writing world, except for writing! I'm very frustrated with myself.
My local writing buddies: RK, MO, JO, LG, KG, and JT are terrific and inspiring. I just hope they don't give up on me as I work my way through this avoidance or procrastination... whatever it is that's stopping me these days.
Oh yeah, I'm moving this weekend...But that's just another excuse.
I said to myself I'll write after I heal from my surgery, or when I'm finished with my term on the board of ACFW, or I'll write after I get moved and settled, or I'll write after our national conference in a few weeks. It's like I'm waiting for everything to line up perfectly so I can sit down and write.
Well, life isn't going to wait on me. So, why am I waiting on life to do what I really want to do? Especially after last year -- You think I would've learned something. I should be living my life fully. Everyone should be...
Don't wait on life. It's always going to be a little messy and there will always be something that comes up and interrupts your schedule. We just need to work through that. I want to do the work that God has called me to do. So, I pray that my local writing buddies will bear with me -- that they will continue to support me and even kick my backside on occasion to keep me going.
Isn't that what friends are for?
After surviving a life-threatening disease, you come out of it renewed, ready to live life to the maximum. You're ready to fulfill your purpose. I wanted to awaken each day and fulfill what God's plans were for me.
And I think I'm failing at that miserably...
More often than not, I'm the queen of procrastination. My main goal in life is to be a writer. I've started three books, but have yet to finish them. I even refer to myself as a writer, however it seems I'm doing anything but that. I am very involved in ACFW, which is American Christian Fiction Writers (www.acfw.com). Being around those other writers is inspiring and makes me feel like I truly belong. Here in DFW, we have a local ACFW chapter, which is the DFW Ready Writers (waving to you all!). It's wonderful to be friends with other writers, as we all understand each other, and know that it's okay to have voices in your head! (As in, our characters are usually talking to us!). I'm blessed with all of these people.
But I feel like I'm blowing my opportunities! I'm wasting the time I've been given, and letting all my other "jobs" get in the way. Being on the board of ACFW is just an excuse not to write. I'm doing everything in and around the writing world, except for writing! I'm very frustrated with myself.
My local writing buddies: RK, MO, JO, LG, KG, and JT are terrific and inspiring. I just hope they don't give up on me as I work my way through this avoidance or procrastination... whatever it is that's stopping me these days.
Oh yeah, I'm moving this weekend...But that's just another excuse.
I said to myself I'll write after I heal from my surgery, or when I'm finished with my term on the board of ACFW, or I'll write after I get moved and settled, or I'll write after our national conference in a few weeks. It's like I'm waiting for everything to line up perfectly so I can sit down and write.
Well, life isn't going to wait on me. So, why am I waiting on life to do what I really want to do? Especially after last year -- You think I would've learned something. I should be living my life fully. Everyone should be...
Don't wait on life. It's always going to be a little messy and there will always be something that comes up and interrupts your schedule. We just need to work through that. I want to do the work that God has called me to do. So, I pray that my local writing buddies will bear with me -- that they will continue to support me and even kick my backside on occasion to keep me going.
Isn't that what friends are for?
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